They say that when you meet someone worth everything, your heart beats fast, your knees go weak, and you tremble. When I first met him, I felt those signs.
Hopeless romantics, including myself, have always imagined the slow-motion effect of a first encounter when you meet your "worth the trouble" (a reference to the book I read last night). That is what I have always dreamed of, just like the women in romance books.
He lives next to our house, a new tenant of Mrs. Jenkins. He is timid, mysterious, and uncanny—a man whom I thought I would never dare to get close to because I knew we would not even have a conversation from the start. It was like two similar personalities that would either clash or miss. I am sure it was the latter.
On a sunny afternoon, while I was sneaking chocolate from our family's store, I laid my eyes on him as he did the same on me. At that exact moment, I felt my heart beat the loudest as I stumbled while trying to escape, and he asked for a cigarette. I felt my muscles go weak, and my hands shivered as I grabbed one stick from a pack of cigars. A slow-motion effect, just like in the movies, as if Chronos had changed the time speed.
There have been a lot of times I've felt this kind of emotion throughout my life—when I first tried to expand my comfort zone by making a speech in front of many people, when I am in danger, or when my mind was battling whether I should fight or flee. This time, I don't know the reason why, but I am certain the feeling is exactly the same.
Days go by, and I always see him through every window of our house. It was the summer season, so our windows were always open for ventilation. Whenever I sat in our living room and watched television, I felt his stares, like staring right into my soul. It happened for the nth time, too much I cannot count and whenever that happens, I felt uneasy.
"Maybe it was just my delusion," I thought to myself. I tried to shrug it off, but the constant stares sent shivers down my spine.
One night, I was stood up by my friend at a restaurant, and I ended up eating alone. Suddenly, he arrived holding a bouquet of roses, occupying the seat in front of me. “Why is he here?” I thought to myself, wondering if it was just a mere coincidence or… he had followed me here. I wish it was the former. I don’t know what to do; I felt my knees freeze into the ground, and I cannot leave. The constant shivers are still there; I think it got worse.
At that moment, I felt helpless. I couldn't scream, couldn't use my voice, couldn't ask for help. I wonder what’s wrong with me? My heart beats fast, my knees are weak, and I am trembling, just like what they describe in books, but I am certain I am not in love; I am terrified.
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